


in her eyes

by blkvelvets



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 07:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11504991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blkvelvets/pseuds/blkvelvets
Summary: now is definitely not the time to get hooked on a dumb freshman with a smile that could light up planets.





	in her eyes

maybe in another world, they could have been together.

maybe in another world, bae joohyun could have loved son seungwan. maybe in another world, she could have taken the younger girl home, she could have kissed her under the dark sky, and she could have promised to never let her go. (never is a funny word, she thinks. never is full of forever, never is a promise that she thinks she will never be capable of making).

but this isn’t another world. this is their world, this is the only one like it, and in this world, bae joohyun walks completely out of son seungwan’s life. 

//

it all starts in florida. it all starts when joohyun signs up for that stupid orchestra trip. it all starts when she gets on the stupid bus and sees seungwan - really sees seungwan, not just glancing at her in the hallways or catching her eye by accident in the middle of class.

she hates the fact that she sees seungwan but hates the possibility of not seeing seungwan just as much (maybe even more). who wouldn’t? seungwan is so beautiful. she’s absolutely entrancing, she is just one of those people who seems too good to be true - bright and magnificent and joohyun knows that she’s staring, but she thinks it will be impossible for her to ever look at something that isn’t seungwan ever again.

why hasn’t she ever noticed seungwan before?

and then byulyi pops her stupid head up from the seat next to seungwan and whistles to tear joohyun away from who she thinks might actually be the woman of her dreams. “hey joohyun, come and sit with me and the freshman!”

the freshman. it doesn’t really connect in joohyun’s head, not until previously unaware brown eyes turn to meet joohyun’s and _oh my god_ there’s no way in hell that joohyun has been thinking all of this about a freshman. she wants to wash her brain out with soap and run to the nearest cathedral to pray for three hours, because she’s a senior and seungwan is a freshman and there are probably laws against this.

seungwan smiles and waves and bae joohyun knows that she is completely and utterly screwed.

//

son seungwan is clutching joohyun’s hand and she thinks that she has never been more alive. 

there is nothing more exhilarating than the look in seungwan’s eyes as they twist and turn in the coaster cart, the younger girl laughing and screaming the entire way. joohyun has never really cared for roller coasters, but if they make seungwan this happy, she’s willing to go on a thousand more. just for her.

joohyun’s starting to sound like a lovesick teenager and it absolutely disgusts her. after all, seungwan is practically a baby (a three year age gap is borderline predatory in high school) and joohyun’s graduating in a month - now is definitely not the time to get hooked on a dumb freshman with a smile that could light up planets.

but she looks at seungwan and it’s just so hard not to effortlessly fall into the way seungwan laughs at her jokes or grabs her hand on a kiddie ride (“seungwan’s literally a kid, it makes sense,” byulyi jokes, not serious enough to retaliate when seungwan playfully smacks the side of her head in response) or shares her dessert when they’re standing in line together (the brownie that they had just had was pretty good, but seungwan insists that hers are better - “i’ll make them for you when we get back. i promise”).

joohyun has never been fond of promises. too final, too permanent, too everything that joohyun is not. she has never trusted a promise. but seungwan says it like she means it, and joohyun finds herself finally believing. 

//

they fall into bed late at night, exhausted from running around the theme park and from orchestra practice that bled into the early morning. joohyun collapses on her bed, fully prepared to drift off into sweet dreams filled with brown eyes and brown hair. they had split the beds up by age when they had first arrived in the morning, seulgi and seungwan on one and byulyi and joohyun on the other. she doesn’t complain too much about it - she doesn’t think she’d be able to handle seungwan next to her at all times. 

she plugs her phone in on the nightstand next to her, fumbling around a little in the dark, and curls up on her side. byulyi slips into bed behind her, encircling joohyun’s waist with her arms and snuggling her head into the back of joohyun’s.

okay, kind of weird. joohyun never took byulyi as much of a cuddler. 

“goodnight, byulyi,” joohyun says softly, closing her eyes and waiting for the sweet embrace of sleep.

“um, goodnight?” byulyi whispers back from where she’s lying - namely, the other bed in the room. joohyun stiffens from the realization that it’s not byulyi who’s currently cuddling into her side. _please don’t be please don’t be -_

“dummy,” seungwan giggles, breath hot on joohyun’s neck. “it’s me.”

joohyun can’t escape now, can’t escape from the way that seungwan is holding her, can’t escape from the arms around her waist, can’t escape from the lips that are just barely grazing her neck, can’t escape from how badly she wants seungwan. all she can do is breathe in and out, finding it almost impossible to close her eyes and relax now that she knows who is behind her.

this is actually ridiculous, she thinks - a girl, a freshman (she’s not sure which one of those is the most shocking) reducing her to panicked breaths and wild thoughts. “goodnight, joohyun,” seungwan whispers (joohyun doesn’t think her drowsy voice should sound nearly as alluring as it does), and joohyun falls.

//

seungwan is a completely different person when she has a cello between her legs.

she’s calmer, more so than the seungwan who rode space mountain over and over again until her pale cheeks turned a bright red. she stays to herself, dancing her bow over the bridge of her cello and producing perfect sounds that ring in joohyun’s head for hours after their performance. her eyes scream serenity and tranquillity and everything that is right in the world.

joohyun would be lying if she said that she wasn’t a little bit jealous of how skillful seungwan is for someone of her age. but it makes sense - when joohyun plays the viola, she’s just playing the viola. when seungwan plays the cello, it’s as if the cello is an extension of the girl herself - the notes might as well be coming from seungwan’s very soul. 

(joohyun wonders if seungwan will be a completely different person when she has joohyun between her legs, too).

// 

joohyun finds herself wishing that they could maybe work out. 

seungwan is sitting next to her, their hands intertwined, screaming as they drop down splash mountain (it’s joohyun’s fifth time on the ride, but with seungwan it always feels like the first all over again). it’s their last full day at disney, and joohyun is filled with bitterness at the thought of never being able to have seungwan like this ever again. nothing like this trip will ever happen again - not after joohyun goes to college and leaves behind their little high school forever.

she should be happy - she’s growing up. she’s practically an adult now - she’s so close to independence, she can almost taste it. and yet she’s stuck, dragged into a conundrum with no way out. 

that’s a lie. she knows what she has to do. ignore her feelings, graduate, leave seungwan forever. 

it’s the only logical solution - she’s lived a life without seungwan for so long, she’s positive she can continue. 

but god, it hurts so much when seungwan looks at her with those eyes that make her want to stay. 

//

seungwan has never looked more beautiful than when golden fireworks are illuminating the night sky behind her. joohyun wishes she could stop time because then she could live in this moment forever, live in the way the light shines through seungwan’s hair, live in the reflection in seungwan’s eyes.

the younger girl is unnaturally quiet as they watch the show, not even bothering to make stupid jokes or play around with seulgi. fear grasps at joohyun’s heart - it already feels like seungwan’s gone. when did she start depending so much on the dumb freshman with the smile that could light up planets?

then seungwan’s arm sneaks around joohyun’s waist and she leans into the older girl, burying her head in joohyun’s shoulder (it almost feels like a reminder, like an _“i’m here, i’m here, i’ll always be here"_ ) and if joohyun notices tears seeping through her shirt, she doesn’t say anything, because she understands everything seungwan is trying to tell her in that moment.

“one more year,” seungwan mumbles, sniffling through shaky breaths. “i just want one more year with you, joohyun.”

and joohyun so badly wants to tell her yes, wants to tell her that she’ll stay in town as long as she has to if it means she can be with seungwan for just one more year. (one more year isn’t too long, one more year is 365 more chances to see seungwan smile) but she thinks of her suitcases and boxes of items waiting for her at home and her dream school that she has worked so hard to get into and knows that the only thing she can do is pull seungwan a little closer and delay the moment where she has to let go.

//

all joohyun knows is that one second she was standing on the hotel balcony, staring out into the sky and praying that she doesn’t break seungwan’s heart, and the next she was turned around, staring right into the eyes of the girl herself.

“hey,” seungwan says, wrapping her arms around joohyun’s neck and smiling that smile that makes joohyun want to rip up her university’s acceptance letter.

“hey, you,” joohyun smiles, hands automatically finding their way around seungwan’s waist like they’ve done this a million times before. “i thought you went to bed.”

“seulgi snores,” the younger girl frowns, wrinkling her nose, and joohyun has to resist the urge to tell seungwan everything right then and there. “and i wanted to talk to you.”

seungwan is ridiculously close (close enough for joohyun to feel her breath on her upper lip) and she wants so badly to close the gap between them - but that would be wrong, she reasons, because seungwan deserves so much more than a girl who can’t stay.

seungwan takes care of the issue herself when she leans forward and connects their lips faster than joohyun can comprehend, and all she can think about is how seungwan tastes like every promise that joohyun knows she can’t make. 

so joohyun pulls away, tries to ignore the flash of hurt that blazes across seungwan’s face. “we shouldn’t-“ she says, trying hard to think of all the reasons why this is a bad idea.

“i know.”

“it’s wrong-“

“i know.”  
then seungwan’s mouth is back on hers and all her thoughts go flying out of her head. 

//

“is it selfish of me to want another year with you?” seungwan asks her when they’re on the bus home, head resting on joohyun’s shoulder.

joohyun doesn’t say anything, just tilts her head in typical joohyun fashion to encourage seungwan to say more.

“like, i know you’re going to college and all,” seungwan mumbles, hoping and praying that she doesn’t break down into a spiral of tears (that would be insanely embarrassing, she thinks. as if joohyun needs more reasons to think of her as a petulant child). “and you have better things to do than, well, me.”

joohyun sighs a little and reaches to grab seungwan’s hand.

“i wish i could stay.”

it’s just a nicer way for joohyun to say that she’s not staying, not even for the freshman girl who lights up planets with her smile. but it’s good enough for seungwan anyway.

//

joohyun gives seungwan a ride home once they get back into town. it’s the least she can do, she reasons. it’s 3 am and seungwan’s parents are asleep and it’s not like joohyun has anything better to do.

they cruise down the expressway, listening to music that joohyun’s never heard before (she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t feel a little bit old) and talking about everything and anything, talking about seungwan’s canadian citizenship, about joohyun’s soon-to-be college roommate, about seungwan’s little brothers, about the orchestra, about the way seungwan melts when joohyun kisses her neck. 

the ride is over all too soon, and joohyun walks seungwan to her door, trying her best to ignore how seungwan clutches her hand like she never wants to let go. they’ve held hands plenty of times before, but tonight feels different. tonight, after all, is a goodbye.

“joohyun-“ seungwan croaks, throat hoarse from the efforts of keeping in everything that she wants to say. but she knows joohyun knows it all already, how she’s known everything ever since she kissed her on the balcony of their hotel room.

“i know,” joohyun whispers, pulling seungwan close in a tight embrace. it’s dangerous, being here, so close to seungwan. she makes her want to stay. 

“i’m so glad i met you,” seungwan says, finally settling on a sentence that won’t make her start bawling in the middle of the street like a baby. “you deserve the world, joohyun, don’t forget that.”

“you deserve planets, seungwan.”

“if you’re not rich and famous in six years, i’m going to be pissed off.”

“if you don’t get into my school, i’m going to be even more pissed off.” joohyun smiles, wiping away tears that are threatening to fall. then, in an even quieter voice - “you make me want to stay.”

“i know,” seungwan says, pulling back from their embrace to kiss joohyun in a way that she hopes conveys every twisted emotion she’s feeling. “i won’t let you.”

joohyun sees galaxies in her eyes. she sees second chances and future hopes, she sees a cozy apartment that could one day be all theirs. she sees promises, she sees a world where they could be together.

she sees it all and she walks away.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> tumblr: @vxronicablossom


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